Submissive Guide Journal Prompt

Submissive Journal Prompt 25/06/2017

What personality traits have you found to be the most useful to you in your service?

My love of knowledge and learning, has helped, it has helped my service over the years, especially when I have wanted to throw in the towel and give up. I am always looking to learn better ways of doing things and being useful. When I find myself in self destructive periods, learning through reading books, though sometimes more depressive as I often wish I had the relationships that were being portrayed in the books, or belong to the communities being portrayed, has helped bring myself out of those periods.

I have always loved being of use, I often say that if I were a car I would be an SUV because they are practical vehicles that have many uses. It is just how I have always been. I use this asset in almost my every day life, though if I think about it, I am using it even when I don’t think I am. I love it when I can surprise G with knowledge about his industry or one of his personal interests that he didn’t know, but one that I didn’t know I knew because I picked it up organically. It doesn’t happen with DW as much, or maybe it is that I just don’t get that same sense of satisfaction from it that I get from G, that or it has just disappeared into the monotony of our every day lives.

Back when I first started out, my slave name was talibah, which meant seeker of knowledge, I am still seeking knowledge, however as with my previous writing on the Thoughts of the Week post, I have found myself to be using it as a procrastination tool. It is one thing to seek useful knowledge, or knowledge that could be useful in the future, but something else to seek knowledge for no reason but to avoid doing something you know you should be doing.

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Path of Service Workbook

PoS – Week 3 Writing Assignment

Name one limit that you have consensually overcome. Why was it a limit and what enabled you to overcome it. 

The limit was choking/breath play. I love breathing, I would literally die without it, however giving my breath to someone is not something that I was ever comfortable with. However, that said, I have overcome it as a hard limit, but only with G, he is the only one that I trust that much with my breath. It started slowly, with me putting my throat in his hands as a sign of my submission, but it also came down to the fact that he would never physically hurt me, at least not in a way that could end with me being permanently damaged. Over time, though, and he has been in my life for the last 10 years now, it is the one thing that I can give him over anyone else, but not just my breath, my absolute trust.

General Post

Home Sick

I hate being sick, I managed to hold out for weeks while DW and the kid were sick, sure I had the occasional stuffed up nose and warm throat, but that was easily fixable. Until last night, I feel like crap and just want to go back to bed. So my plan for today was to rest, drink lots of fluids and eat good food… To be honest though, that plan was made AFTER I ate a small thing of ice cream… to cool down my throat, though I admit, having some of my lemon sorbet would have been the better choice.

So with the plan of taking it slow and resting, doing not much more than sitting at my desk, watching YouTube and scrolling Pinterest and Facebook, though I really should dedicate more time to this blog… I have so many unfinished posts in draft, I ended up…

  • Doing Laundry
  • Washing Dishes
  • Put a load on in the dishwasher
  • Reheated and ate some homemade Pumpkin, Sweet Potato, Roast Garlic and Rosemary Soup that I made awhile ago and froze.
  • Cleaning out the fridge of stuff past use-by
  • Cleaned out the breakfast shelf of the pantry and gave it a good scrub
  • Made some Honey and Camomile Iceypoles
  • Cleaned out my baking shelf in the pantry, still to scrub it
  • Threw out some stuff from the general use shelf in the pantry
  • Wiped down the benches
  • Cleaned off and sorted my desk… It was a bit of a mess
  • Wiped down my desk, keyboard and mouse with a disinfectant wipe
  • Studied for my Managerial Research Methods exam which is tomorrow
  • And am doing a couple of posts on here

Finally having some cream of chicken cup of soup and toast for “lunch” even though it is after 3pm… I think I need to work on this resting thing. Though I have been doing the Facebook, YouTube and Pinterest scrolling as well.

Submissive Guide Journal Prompt

Submissive Journal Prompt 18/06/2017

“You can change no one but yourself.” – Anonymous

I agree with this, and I am often trying to change myself to suit the needs of others, however, this often leads to me forgetting who I am and often resenting the people around me when I feel like I am being forced to change into something that is against who I am as a person. While this is ok for some, it is not something that I am comfortable with most/all of the time. If I am not myself, then who am I, what is my purpose, why would someone want me if I am no longer the person that they wanted in the beginning. Sure we all change parts for our Owners, but generally they are only small behavioural things, and over a long period of time, to the point where we don’t notice the change happening and it becomes part of our self.

Path of Service Workbook

PoS – Week 2 Writing Assignment

What do you feel is the most valuable asset you have to offer your Owner? Explain why.

Most valuable asset…. My organisational skills.

Why…. I LOVE organisation. I love making lists, I love setting plans and making up routines and structures. I get an energy from it. My problem is, I am so great at the organising and planning, not so good at following through with my own plans. But that is an asset that I am able to offer my Owner, and often offer to G because I love it so much, just need to work on following my own plans for more than a few days and then I shall conquer the world.

Path of Service Workbook

PoS Week 2 – Thoughts of the Week

Never assume that something is allowed just because it is not expressly forbidden. For example, an order to be respectful to all Owners does not imply permission to be disrespectful to all others.

I dislike loopholes. I like things in black and white, I know that life can’t be like that all the time and is filled with shades of grey, but I feel safer when I know what the deal is. In the example given, I tend to be respectful to everyone I meet, unless there are extenuating special circumstances and I make sure that they are well known to the people that matter and generally try to handle everything privately. However, loopholes are one of my biggest peeves, if I happen to do something wrong, I hate it when someone applies a loophole that explains a way out of be getting out of trouble. I hate it when a sub/slave gets told by their Owner to go to bed, so they go to bed but take their laptop with them so that they can continue playing online, when they know that their Owner meant for them to go to sleep. Another example of this that I have seen is subs/slaves going to events that they know their Owner would rather they not go to for certain reasons, and they go anyway because their Owner has not expressly forbidden it, or has used less decisive words such as “I would rather” instead of “You are not to go” or the sub/slave does not believe in the reasons given as to why that action isn’t allowed.

It is often said that slaves should never be proud. This does not mean that slaves should not gain self-esteem and satisfaction from the progress they have made and their accomplishments. The danger of self-pride in a slave is complacency. By remaining humble, a slave will continue to strive for further growth.

I am the first to admit, I have a problem with pride… I am much too humble and self-depreciating. So much so that it gets me into trouble with DW and G ALL THE TIME! Though I do love the pep talks and praise that I get before I have something to do that I am worried about, like exams and tests. I do get a feeling not of pride but of accomplishment when I do something, when I am able to tick that box on my to-do list, especially if it is something that has been on my list for some time. Which reminds me, G gave me work which I STILL have to finish, it has been a long time since he asked me to do it so I need to prioritise that while I am still on break from uni, especially since he has given me another task. But it is that lack of self-esteem that has delayed me getting the work done because I feel like I don’t know enough to do the job correct. I am always striving for further growth and knowledge but there is only so much growth and knowledge one can collect without it being used as a tool for procrastination like myself. But I am working on it.

Submissive Guide Journal Prompt

Submissive Journal Prompt 11/6/2017

Are you an exhibitionist? Does your body image affect how you feel about being exposed in public?

To be completely honest, I’m not an exhibitionist, or rather, I can have some exhibitionist thoughts, usually doing things without others in the vicinity knowing what is happening. But they aren’t something I see myself acting on due to my negative body image due to my weight, but I think about it much, the main thing that stops me is the fact that I dislike drawing attention to myself or being the center of attention, so I tend to avoid anything that would put me in that position.